The Almost Marriage
“Broken engagement”. I hated that term. “There is nothing ‘broken’ about me,” I would scowl to myself as I reflected upon the realization that, in fact, after ending my engagement I felt more whole.
The engagement had been tumultuous to say the least. Mostly, I felt confused. Isn’t this what I wanted? Hadn’t I already committed myself to the relationship by moving cross-country for him? I recall throwing my engagement ring across the room screaming that I didn’t want to be someone’s wife, as if by being married I would forever be playing second fiddle. Gone were the cozy feelings of a home that I desperately tried to create.
Ending my engagement felt like a strange “in between a relationship breakup and a divorce. There was no legal paperwork, no lawyers, no alimony. But there was an entangled life together and a half-planned wedding.
The “not wedding”? Ex-fiance sounded harsh. The almost husband. The almost mother-, father-, brother-, and sister-in-law. The almost life. My almost divorce.
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